Danny Shader
I can’t imagine there’s much I can say much about Mallory that you don’t already know, so I’d like to share a little of what it was like to be in what I like to think was Mal’s 2nd family, since Lissa, Sarah, Hannah and I live in Palo Alto near where Mal spent her college and post-college years.
It wasn’t long into Mal’s college experience that I got an urgent call from Diane asking me to get to Mal’s dorm room asap. Why? Because Mal had consumed too many “brownies.” Di said she was high and puking, the latter being particularly risky for CF patients. After being re-assured by a good friend at Stanford hospital that Mal would be okay, I spent the night on her dorm room floor. At that point, I think I earned her trust, and Ri-Ra, as I called her, started bringing her friends over to our house to study.
As Mal’s disease progressed, she spent an increasing amount of time with us. Since you all know Mallory, I don’t have to tell you how great that was. We got even luckier when Mark and Diane came to visit. You can imagine how creatively “Crazy aunt Diane,” as we affectionately called her, found “essential” reasons to be in Palo Alto. When the Smiths were around, our house resonated with laughter, periods of CF-induced terror, lots of delicious stove-top meals, and plenty of embarrassing questions.
Once, when our girls were entering their teen years, Diane asked Lissa which boys our girls liked -- in front of Mallory. Lissa said she didn’t want to ask them because she wanted to respect their privacy. Without missing a beat, Diane responded “Privacy? Phhh!”
Although Diane’s response cracked us up and made “Privacy, Phh!” a reference that lives on, what I remember most about that moment was the look of smiling, loving disgust that passed over Mal’s face, with an emphasis on the loving part. Mal’s affection and appreciation for her mom, dad, and brother were readily apparent to all of us.
Ri-rah also adored our daughters, and they adored her. Mallory was the perfect role model for them -- kind to others, deeply principled, intellectually curious, loyal to her friends, and seemingly unstoppable -- in short, the kind of women I hope our kids will be.
We got very lucky when Mal went to Stanford. What I’ve found myself thinking about a lot lately -- with more than a little guilt -- is that, perversely, Mal’s illness was our family’s blessing. Without CF, we’d never have had so much time with Mallory.
Diane, Mark, Micah, dad, and Jack: please know that we would trade that all that time away in a heartbeat if it meant Mallory could still be here with all of us today. Re-rah, our family will miss you forever, but you’ve left an indelible mark on each of us, and for that we are eternally grateful.
Jason Bellet
Hey Mal,
When I close my eyes and think about 16 years of friendship, it’s as if I’m staring through a kaleidoscope of memories. All I can do is smile and watch in awe as each memory we made whizzes past my view like a firework show. The memory of us at 9 years old watching Shrek in your parent's room quickly blends into the sight of you and your “glam squad” waving to me from across the street as you filmed your bat mitzvah video.
I see us in high school, nibbling on frozen fruit and drinking cappuccinos while we laughed for hours and crammed for AP exams. Us strutting to Pinkberry with the IV pole my mom dressed up as your boyfriend. And the last text message you wrote me, which read - “I love you so so much”. You always made me feel loved and appreciated.
And when all the blended memories have settled to the bottom of the kaleidoscope, all I can do is take a step back from the empty view with an unexplainable amount of gratitude for everything we shared. Mal, I love you so much and will miss you terribly.
Each of us has our own kaleidoscope of memories from our time with Mal. The beauty is that we can take it with us wherever we go, turning it over and over to remember the incredible woman that brought everyone in this room together.
Meryl Shader
Since we have been instructed to keep this light, I have a couple silly memories to share. When Mallory came into this world, she followed Micah, who was such an incredibly smart and good-looking boy, AND the first grandchild. We bragged about him so much Diane said, "if we keep this up, we're not going to have any friends!” I knew Mallory had a tough act to follow, and I wanted to help Mallory have good self-esteem. So I trained Micah to say, "Hello, Gorgeous!" whenever he saw her. Now, around this time, Diane was putting Mallory's hair into a ponytail on top of her head. Not sure why that seemed like a good idea.. Grandma Flo called it her palm tree. So can you picture it? Mallory with her palm tree head and Micah saying, “Hello, Gorgeous” in his little kid voice?! But I will never forget the moment Micah walked into Mallory’s hospital room this past week. Despite the fog of heavy medication, Mallory responded to Micah in a way unlike anyone else.
So, Paul and I moved to Sacramento, and I was concerned that Diane's kids would not know me enough to develop a relationship with me. I remember coming to visit when I was pregnant, and I was at that stage where I was nauseated unless I was actively eating. I went straight from the airport to Mallory's gymnastics class, but dashed out to get some tuna fish and a carton of milk. And when I walked into the studio, I was THRILLED that Mallory made a bee-line straight to me! I was so excited she knew me... until she grabbed the tunafish and milk out of my hands -- she was
making a beeline for the food, not me! Remember when she ate everything in sight?
Later, when the kids were in high school, we were in Hawaii together along with some friends. And we all know that although Mallory was a very deep thinker, she could also be kind of ditzy. One night after dinner, Mallory said, "Hey, we should all go star gazing!" Marissa Schnitman looked at her, looked up at the dark sky and said, and said, "Mallory! There are the stars! Gaze!"
Some say that when young people leave us too soon, they become one of the stars in the sky. But we know that Mallory is now part of the ocean.
I found this quote by John F Kennedy: “It is an interesting biological fact that all of us have in our veins the exact same percentage of salt in our blood that exists in the ocean, and, therefore, we have salt in our blood, in our sweat, in our tears. We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea - whether it is to sail or to watch it -- and I would add, “or to surf" - we are going back from whence we came.” Salty Mallory, we’ll see you when the surf’s up.
